to be free

I worry too much even after I came to believe in Jesus. My son is being free spiritually more and more, and he is telling me not to worry. By his words I realize I am worrying or being in the negative mode instead of praying.

My motto is, "let the Baptists reach out to people through potlucks (they are known to have potlucks), let the Evangelicals reach out to people through their serving hearts (they are evangelicals), let the Charismatics roll, be healed inside, and give testimonies (they are called 'holly rollers' sometimes)." I did not know what the denominations were when I started going to church. In fact, because the name sounded similar, I went to a Catholic church when I was looking for a protestant church someone told me about. I even talked to the priest there and explained who had told me about his church. He had no clue. The following week I realized that it was a wrong church, and I never went back there. I didn't know the difference. My church I went in Japan was a pentecostal church. There were gentle missionaries from Europe. I took a lot of notes which I sill have and look sometimes. Looking back, I learned a lot from them. After I moved to the States, my husband I went to a traditional church. My husband is Baptist/Presbyterian as he was growing up. Then we moved from church to church for some reasons that I am not going to write here. You know what. I have friends in a lot of different churches. When we talk about Jesus and the Bible honestly, I feel that the Holy Spirit is indeed One. I don't want to look down on other churches even though I may disagree with what they teach. They are also believing Jesus. Wherever we go, if we believe in Jesus, we can be one. I need to be reminded of that because it feels good like sweet honey in my throat and my flesh enjoys it when I talk negatively about what is wrong with some churches. (The ones that don't deny Jesus as the Savior are what I am referring to here.) I want to love them as they are, but I was struggling to be free to love them, because I could not be free to be myself.

This morning I listened to Joseph Prince on Youtube.com. His message gave me energy and freedom. I had been trying to be a 'good, regular christian'. I tried to fit in the traditional churches. But I feel like an ugly duckling. Listening to Pastor Joseph Prince simply showed me I was bound by my own idea of what a christian should be and somehow I decided the way I was was not right. Pastor Prince said to follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit. When we follow the Holy Spirit, we are led to the only one place - the victory.

I want to walk the path in front of me with the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I want to be free to be in the Holy Spirit and be free to love others without worrying about them to love me back.
Please, Holy Spirit, come and guide me. I cannot do it myself.

(from 09/14/2008)