Tuesday, December 11, 2012

No diesease is seen

I was asking for NAD or NED. NAD stands for no active disease. NED stands for no evidence of disease. I held on to someone's chest x-ray report (without the personal information) which said, "unremarkable chest x ray."

I was asking God to let me hold the evidence like this in my hand.

I did it the other day.

It was not NAD or NED or "unremarkable chest x ray" because even though I could not see anything in the film, the doctor saw something. But it was scars.

It said "no acute process." My physician's assistant friend said it was the same as NAD!

The answer to my prayer quietly came to me on that day I got my report.

I am in awe. Thank you Jesus for your goodness, grace and loving kindness. Thank you for healing me. Everyday in past 2+ years has been an amazing miracle. I held an evidence in my hand!!!

X rays can't tell if one has cancer or not. But it was the x ray that showed something in the beginning. Now the mass is gone. The next scan will be in March 2013.

Thank you,


Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Clear lung in X-ray

In 2010 an X-ray showed a mass in my lung which turned out to be stage IV lung cancer. The doctor said 6 months to 2 years to live, but my friends said not to receive what the doctor said. I googled stage IV lung cancer and many patients recommended not to think about the prognosis. I did many different things to cling to God more tightly than before because I don't see much good news for stage IV lung cancer patients in the medical world. But every single day God encouraged me in many different ways. Every single day I smiled and got up out of bed with much energy and went to work. I think it was amazing. In the beginning I had a lot of appointments. I used to get up extra early and went to work, went to appointments, and still worked 8 hours. Only God's encouraging power and prayers of family and friends and even strangers gave me ability to do it.

Today I had an x-ray. After all these expensive fancy scans and radiation and all that, I had an x-ray.

At the beginning I said to God I wanted to be free from cancer and from medication. I could see God was healing me, not instantly as I hoped, but gradually yet surely. I build up my confidence and faith more and more.  But I did not know how I could stop the medications I take via I. V. and orally.  The doctor said I would take them indefinitely. - I did not want to. Scan after scan showed the residue of tumor. It did not seem so active per scan but it was there, so the doctor did not want me to stop. Yet in my mind I was feeling like I need to stop the strong meds if I want to be well.

At church a friend of mine said,"Let's pray about that," and we did. Well, a couple of weeks later the oncologist said we can talk to the radiation oncologist and ask about CyberKnife possibility. The radiation oncologist seemed to have been waiting for me to come. I don't know how true it is but I felt like I sensed him expecting me. He asked me what I would expect from this. I said the cancer to be gone, and he said, "and?" so I said medicine free. He nodded because he knew that's what I said many months ago. He said my oncologist must agree with me, too. So they talked, and they must have agreed, and so I had the treatment done.

The x-ray looked clear. The doctor showed me one scan on one side and today's x-ray on the other side on the screen. The earlier one showed some cloudy part in the lung, but we did not see anything on today's. I hid the older one with my hand and asked the doctor what he would say about the x-ray if he did not see the other one. I was so excited so I don't remember exactly what he said but he said something like it would be a normal x-ray. He said to meditate on it as a Christmas gift or something like that.

Only God can time everything to work so good like this. I believe God. 

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Moving on after CyberKnife

On Halloween Day I  had my first treatment.  The day before that the machine was not functioning well, and they postponed my schedule. If it was in the past, I would have worried about it, then I wouldn't have liked to start the treatment on Halloween! But I now know that God is much bigger than any of these things. A well-known evangelist in Africa once said he only felt the presence of the Lord when other people were feeling the evil spirits around them. All we need to know is God's presence!! All of a sudden I got nervous and my heart started to beat fast right before my first appointment, but a thought came to my mind and I was saying that over and over. In my heart I kept repeating "If I doubt God now, then that would mean I am putting Jesus on the cross again. If I doubt now, that would mean I am saying Jesus' cross was not sufficient."  Jesus' cross WAS and IS sufficient!! Who am I to argue that?? Then, I have to stick with the truth. Tears came down at first, but I was at peace. Now I am done with all 4 treatments. The radiation will keep working inside, and I will have an x-ray in December. God is reversing my condition. I don't know why some people are healed instantly and why some people take time to be healed, but in each step I decided to seek the Lord. It is about lifestyle of choosing to believe and clinging to Him.

Friday, October 19, 2012

cyberknife test

Today I went to my CyberKnife doctor's office. They tested and see if the robot will be able to catch the movement of my lung and the nodule. The doctor said we can go ahead and plan the treatment!

Only Jesus could have arranged this. From the very beginning when I needed help, I was already in a place where things just happened. Co-workers said over and over that I was at the right place at the right time. In the office was a doctor who is the wife of CyberKnife doctor. Otherwise I wouldn't have know about it, I don't think.

Galatians 5:1
So Christ has really set you free now make sure that you stay free and don't get tied up in the slavery to the Law.

I heard this on the radio today. The Christian radio station was reading this verse. My pride thought, "O I know this verse," but the Lord meant it at the moment because right after I thought this thought the scripture was read and it pierced my heart (like you have a crush on a movie star at the first sight). Now after I studied healing scriptures and learned from many people, this "Law" has more aspect than the Law I used to think...like rules and regulations. Because the sickness is the curse of the law!! But Jesus carried all of it on the cross!! So He has done that, now I have to make sure that I stay free from the slavery to the law.  In this short verse God spoke to me a lot in the short time while I was at work. (I sometimes stay at work and I am all by myself because I am a data entry person, then I turn on the Christian radio station. )

Surely God's goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. (Psalm 23)

I thank God who is so gracious and powerful!!!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I am hearing...

According to your faith

...is the first one I noticed that was present in my mind lately. It might be God, I thought. Then I thought since I think God might be speaking to me, I should pray. So I prayed to God and told him what my heart's desire is.

Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

 I repeated this part over and over and over because I felt happy as I was saying it. Then it felt like I was prophesying over my life. : )  Everyone should try this.

The third one, which started to come in my mind today was "I do not share my glory with anything/anyone else." It was a funny timing because I just saw the radiation oncologist who told me the CyberKnife will most likely lead me to a total remission from cancer (used to be stage IV) and also to a freedom from medications!  And we are planning to have it done soon. I rejoice in God's ways. I take it as God's way. In the past I felt I was stuck with medication the rest of my life and I didn't know how I was going to be free from it. I asked my doctor many times to let me stop the meds to give my built-in immune system a chance to be strong again but he said no. But now CyberKnife will end all of it just like that! Who else could have led me to this path? I give glory to God!! Thank you, Jesus! There is truly power in Jesus' name.

He is the one who walked with me all this time and encouraged me.

with thanks,

Thursday, September 13, 2012

God's preferred-will to offer to the mankind - Revelation 4:11

 Revelation 4:11 (NIV)
“You are worthy, our Lord and God,
    to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
    and by your will they were created
    and have their being.”

Revelation 4:11 (KJV)

Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.


2307 thélēma (from 2309 /thélō, "to desire, wish") – properly, a desire (wish), often referring to God's "preferred-will," i.e. His "best-offer" to people which can be accepted or rejected.

I have trouble answering questions in a bible study often.  I don't know the answer and I don't know how people get the answer they get. I picked up a study book by Derek Prince. The very first question says, "For what purpose was the mankind created?" I was supposed to read Revelation 4:11. My Bible says it was His will. I struggle for awhile and I cheated and looked at the answer. The answer is "for His pleasure." Is his will the same as his pleasure? It must be. But how? I am not satisfied. I cannot go on! So I did some research!

Rev.4:11 says we were created for his pleasure in some translations. Others say we were created by His will.
Can we say his will = his pleasure?

I don't get it. I think there is a slight difference. I have difficulty using the word pleasure in this case. I think it is mainly because a lot of translations say "will." According to the link above, the word also means desire. If I were a translator, I might pick the word "desire." It was his desire. The link above explains that the word means His preferred-will to offer to the mankind. We can take it or leave it. My image of the word "pleasure" is like God is sitting on the throne and created people for entertainment. But after knowing that the original word for pleasure also means "His preferred-will to offer to the mankind" I feel very happy and alive.

It was his best offer, and his preferred will, and desire to create our existence for Him. Let's take it!  I take it!

Sunday, August 5, 2012

another dream in January 2012

In January I had another dream. I totally forgot about it until I saw it in my notebook... I saw this dream at the end of my sleep. I saw two hand (wrist down) holding a blue, glass-looking ball as if it was being presented to me. After I looked at it for awhile, I said to my self, "It might be a good idea to get it since it looks like it is presented to me." Then I reached out. I hesitated to get it at first, then I decided to get it.

I had forgotten about it, because I didn't know what it was and I didn't expect to see anything in the Bible that looks like that.

One day I was listening to Graham Cooke's CD, then  I learned that I need to ask God, "what does it mean?" I realized I had never really asked about anything in this manner. So I asked God what it meant. I apologized to God for not asking because it shows my heart is not really expecting the answer from God...

A week later at church, a brother was talking about another brother who was seeing a vision of  round blue balls floating (?) in the hallway. He even painted them during the church service.  Later I went to talk to a man at the front about it and he said that they represented healing.  I thought God answered my question.

The following day while at work, I said to God, "So you were offering me healing," then I felt I heard God replied, "It was life ( that he was giving me)." What do I do? I take it!

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Brain MRI 7/2012

I had another MRI on my brain.

I was confident in God and also in physical condition. I have aches and pains but I felt my immune system was doing good, but a few days before the MRI I was in a spiritual battle. Negative thoughts came in and tried to bring the very negative imagination - like I was going to start deteriorating..  Then I realized God hasn't changed his mind. Jesus died for me once, and that was enough!! I concentrated my mind on God, trying to just focus on His goodness. He is the only one who can heal me. I listened to encouraging CD's like Graham Cooke's. They helped me tremendously. He assures us that God is on our side. When we are with him, we are battling from the winning side. I shouted in my mind, "Jesus!" many times...

The result was good!! My brain is good.

Praise and glory to God!! Thank you, Jesus.

Monday, July 16, 2012

My mission

18 and the LORD sent you on a mission, and said, 'Go and utterly destroy the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are exterminated.' 19 "Why then did you not obey the voice of the LORD, but rushed upon the spoil and did what was evil in the sight of the LORD ?"  - I Samuel 15:17-19

I have been in this waiting mode for awhile after chemo is done, and sometimes my mind tries to imagine something negative. I have been learning to fight and to stay under God's favor but one day I almost accepted that I will start deteriorating, then the LORD spoke to me through these verses as if to say, "I told you I will heal you completely but why are you now turning away from it?" That is right!! I received so many promises and why then do I doubt him now? I repented. God is always ready to reach out to me.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

my heart is fixed (Psalm 112:7)

Psalm 112:7

King James Version (KJV)
 7He shall not be afraid of evil tidings: his heart is fixed, trusting in the LORD.

This was in the devotional. What a good timing! As I was meditation on the words, then I realized I had to overcome my bad expectations in my heart. I say I believe then why do I worry about the bad news? The medical world clearly doesn't have an answer for me according to the doctors. And they are specialists and they are truly brilliant people. I had to fix my heart to trust the LORD. I almost did not want to have the scan done any more. I remembered reading Dodie Osteen did not go back for a check up while she was recovering.

The scan result
The result of the scan showed some illumination in my bone, though better. The tumor in the lung is still there. The doctor says "Let's keep doing the same treatment (maintenance med, not chemo)." We will keep doing the same thing. My hope is to quit the strong meds. I was somewhat disappointed at the appointment, to be honest, but when I came home and started reading the scan report word by word, I was more encouraged. The bone lesions are responding to the treatment from January, and the tumor in the lung is the same, stable. My PA friend explained to me that it must be covered by scar tissues because the doctor who read the scan did not call it "tumor." He called it "fibrosis" and "scarring tissue."

In the meantime I will keep moving with the LORD, clinging to Him. It is the fact that He is taking care of me. Everyday is a miracle day. Even at work I do my best to live and know that the LORD is God. I am not a preacher or teacher or ministry coordinator or anything like that, but the best I can do right now is to know that the LORD is God.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

My Redeemer (Isaiah 41)

Isaiah 41:11-14

Amplified Bible (AMP)
11Behold, all they who are enraged and inflamed against you shall be put to shame and confounded; they who strive against you shall be as nothing and shall perish.    12You shall seek those who contend with you but shall not find them; they who war against you shall be as nothing, as nothing at all.
    13For I the Lord your God hold your right hand; I am the Lord, Who says to you, Fear not; I will help you!
    14Fear not, you worm Jacob, you men of Israel! I will help you, says the Lord; your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.

I feel like God is saying something to me that those who are against me will be put to shame and become as nothing and perish.  I looked for them (via scan) but I will not find them because God made them as nothing, nothing AT ALL.

It is such a perfect chapter for me at this time. I smiled a big smile. I said, "Really?" to God. I don't have the result of the scan yet. Yesterday I felt down a little, started to think about and prepare for a not-so-good report, then I went to the word again (like I did again and again), then the life of God started to bubble up inside of me. There is no reason to stop rejoicing now.

My Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel! My father is God. (I am bragging!) Thank you, Father for giving me life.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

to stand firm (Ephesians)


Ephesians 6:10-18

New Living Translation (NLT)

The Whole Armor of God

10 A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12 For we[a] are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.[b] 16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.[c] 17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.[d]

God's whisper at work
At work I started to hear "...having done all, stand firm."  I never felt these verses from Ephesians so closely in my past. Today, I read them with reverence. I am in a battle. So is everyone else.  I am not the only one. God is encouraging me to stand firm. My appointment for the next scan is approaching.

God's humor at work

The other day my computer at work froze for a little while. I needed to keep printing many forms that came on line, but it got stuck and I could not print this person's form. I hit "enter" several times. Then the next screen popped up. Because I hit enter many times, there are several duplicates. I kept deleting many pages and I saw the same name over and over.....and I smiled.  The person's name was "Miracle."

Sunday, April 15, 2012

worship night tonight

I went to a worship night at my church. My daughter and her roommate went, too. The most beautiful thing I saw/heard tonight was the two college girls (one of them is mine) worshiping Jesus, singing like, " I am made to worship you..." Ooo, may God bless the next generation!!

Healing was mentioned in songs many times. Jesus' power includes healing.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

God says not to look around for help - Isaiah 41

I was reading some healing verses and a well-known verse from Isaiah caught my attention.

Do not fear, I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God....

Then I went to my Hebrew dictionary.

  • with you = The prime root word has meanings like "overshadowing by huddling together." This word (#5973) has meaning like against, before, beside, among, between, in...
  • be dismayed= gaze at (for help), inspect, consider, bewildered, depart, look (away), etc...
  •  strengthen = to be alert, on foot
  • yea = more over, furthermore, yet, even
  • help = surround, protect, aid, succor
  • uphold = sustain, maintain, retain

Then my conversation with God went like this:

"Do not be afraid! I am all over you." (After reading the description in the dictionary, I understood the word as this. My heart jumps with joy.)
"Do not look around for help because I am your God. I will let you stand on your own your feet and strengthen them." (Then I remember there were no feeble men in the tribe as the Israelite were leaving Egypt.)

"More over (or better yet), I will surround you, protect, and aid you."

"That is not all I will do. More over , I will maintain you with my strong right hand." (He will "maintain" me! Ooo I want to be off the maintenance medications! Okay, let's keep reading.)

I haven't look up the rest of the scriptures yet, but it is lovely. Especially the next sentence. I am in awe.

"You will seek them but will not find them."

I am keeping these words in my heart. Lord, I thank you.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Wait for the LORD to act...

How long is the battle going to last? When I was stressed from work, I feel as if something or somebody is trying to make me quit working! But when I realize that it is not God at all, then I recover and the condition of the heart changes. When the condition of the heart changes, things change. I recognize the power of believing God in my heart. God drives out the darkness. Then I saw in the Bible where it said to wait for the LORD to act, and I felt like the LORD is telling me that the day the LORD will act is coming towards me! Is it coming soon? In the meantime, I keep speaking to the mountain!!!

highest regards on God's words

What am I doing?!
I confess that I never felt I had enough courage to join a support group for cancer survivors. I may sound selfish, or someone may even say I am in denial, but I wanted to keep my eyes on the LORD and didn't want anything/anybody that comes between me and God.  Lately I started doing some research. It is good to be educated, but I was doing it instead of reading and searching the scriptures. Then I started to feel down...

The scriptures, messages, and teachings for healing tell me to put highest regards on God's words. My heart agrees. Why am I looking for an answer somewhere else then? I repented. Chemo, radiation, juicing, herbs, natural treatment, and other approach are good because we take care of our bodies, which is the temple of God. But without the word of God, they are in vain.

Friday, March 9, 2012

radiation and trip to japan

Both my parents' birthdays are in February. This year they turned 88 and 77 years old.  For quite a while I couldn't decide when in the winter time I should go to visit them.  In my prayer one day I felt good about going in February so I picked the dates, and then I found out that I needed to have radiation on my bones. I thought about bad scenario but decided to go on after I talked to my husband. I ordered the ticket, then I asked the radiation oncologist to schedule me before the departure date. (selfish?)
They scheduled me to have a radiation session everyday for 2 weeks. It ended right before my trip. The treatment took only about 10 minutes everyday. The very first day on the table in the radiation room, a strange thing happened within me. I was suddenly overwhelmed by the Lord's goodness right before the radiation was going to hit me, and I was crying. Everybody there thought I was sad. When you think about my situation, that is understandable. One therapist was in tears for me, too. But I wasn't sad. My strength and joy have always come from the Lord. His presence was there, and I was overwhelmed by the goodness of the Lord. I keep trusting His healing power. Gospel and healing come together. It is in the Bible.

My family was happy to see me. I gave testimony of God's goodness at my small church. I spent most of my time at home. I enjoyed walking in the cold, snowy weather as the snow was hitting my face from under the umbrella. One of my happy moment was to see my mother believing Jesus more.

Life is precious and I thank Jesus for giving it to me.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Not bowing down to other gods (Exodus 23:26)

This is something I learned from Exodus 23 where it talks about God's blessing. This is a simple understanding of an ordinary mom who don't have a specific degree.

Exodus23:26 says God will bless my bread and water, and will take sickness away from the midst of us. The beginning of the verse in my note says, "And so." I don't remember which translation it came from, but I thought there must be something I need to do before God blesses my food and water. Of course I know God is merciful, and I don't understand deep and difficult theology but I thought there might be something I might want to pay attention to. So I went back a few verses. Then I saw that God wants us to get rid of other gods utterly. I saw how important it is to God.

We are not to 
  • bow down to other gods
  • serve them
  • do after their (other gods' people) works or follow their example.
We are to
  • utterly pull down/break
  • destroy 
                                                              their standing images.

In this verse, I saw something fascinating. Two words are repeated twice in Hebrew Bible just like in the proverbs (diligently, diligently). The words repeated here both mean to break down.  The first word is to break down/beat down. The second word is to break down in pieces, crush, etc. So we are to utterly pull down and down, and crush and crush their standing images. Then...

And so you shall serve the LORD your God, and he will bless your bread and water, and will take sickness away from the midst of you. (Exodus 23:26)

Glory to God. He is the One who healed us all! I am waiting for the day when the LORD will act and I will hold a proof in my hand (One time I decided not to wait for that, but then I noticed it was still my desire to have an "NED" (no evidence of disease) in my hand, so I am waiting for it again) . Until then, I keep hiding in the shadow of His wings, speaking to the mountain to be removed and be thrown into the sea!

In Christ,

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Psalm 116 in my own words

I love that the LORD has heard my voice and my earnest prayers attentively.
Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.

The cords of death were around me, the terrors of grave overtook me.
I saw only trouble and sorrow.
But I called on the name of the LORD, "Please, LORD, save me!"

The LORD is merciful and righteous, yes, our God is compassionate.
The LORD preserves the thoughtless; when I was brought low (oppressed) he saved me.
My soul, return to your rest!
For the LORD has been generous toward you.

Yes, you have rescued me from death, my eyes from tears and my feet from falling.
I will go on walking in the presence of the LORD in the lands of the living.
I will keep on trusting even when I say,
"I am utterly miserable," even when, in my panic, I declare, "Everything human is deceptive."
How can I repay the LORD for all his generous dealings with me?
I will raise the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD.
I will pay my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people.

I am forever thankful that the LORD is giving me abundant life everyday. Stage IV cancer is diminishing.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Videos that give you faith!



by Christine Darg

my friend is healed

One of my friends from church, who was diagnosed with stomach cancer, is cancer-free! I haven't seen him in awhile but I heard the news through my son. He had some bad days during chemo therapies.  But he is free now! That is great news.

God heals today. 

Praise God. Thank you, Jesus.

The above blog was written some time ago. Today I heard his testimony at church. After chemo therapy he was having a heart problem and the doctors said a part of the heart was not functioning.
Today, he testified and said that the doctors could not figure it out, but his heart was starting to heal itself.

Glory to God. It is amazing. He looked very good today, too.