Friday, September 24, 2010

Healing Prayer

Suddenly I am walking as closely to God as I know how. I am hiding under his wings like a little child would go under her parents' presence and hold onto whatever she can hold onto.
I was diagnosed with stage IV primary lung cancer which has spread to several parts of my organ and to my brain. I was a healthy person until I was diagnosed with it.

This is the beginning of my healing blog.

In July I went to an urgent care because of my lingering cough. It was not a big deal because I wasn't coughing much but I kept coughing since March. The x-ray showed a mass in my right lung. The urgent care treated me as pneumonia and told me to find a doctor for a follow-up.

My primary doctor referred me to a surgeon right away and said that this base-ball-sized mass should not be in my lung, and I did a scan.

The surgeon said I was inoperable and told me it was a cancer, but to be sure, I had a PET scan and a biopsy. The PET showed that the cancer had already spread to several parts of the body. He referred me to an oncologist, and ordered an MRI because the lung cancer tends to spread to the brain.

9/1/2010  Saw an oncologist. He said it was a stage 4 primary lung cancer and the prognosis was from 6 months to 2 years. He recommended 6 session of chemo, then one medicine via IV after that indefinitely. I cannot remember when, but sometime before the first appointment I had a dream. In my dream I was walking down an alley which looked like something I saw in a Vietnam War movie. The buildings were gray, and dark. I looked in those houses and saw some people were helplessly lying on the floor and they were dying. Then I shouted, "This is a death house!" and ran. On the way out form the oncologist's office, as I was looking into the treatment room, the image of the dream came back to me because it was just like walking down the narrow alley...

The surgeon called from his cell phone and said that the MRI showed the cancer had already spread to the brain and I needed to talk to my oncologist right away. I was devastated. That night I decided I would just forget chemo and live peacefully until the end, but my husband convinced me that I should start chemo because the medical help was available, and he said I should try. I decided to go along with that for my husband and our children.

Am I going into the room which may be a "death house?" I asked myself as I was entering the oncologist's office. In spite of my expectation, people looked cheerful there. I was at ease. I felt better. We were all trying to get better.

I did one chemo, one more MRI, then CyberKnife radiation therapy in September. I was fine. CyberKnife was a type of a brain surgery but I walked to the hospital, had it done, then walked back to work. I worked a few hours and drove myself home after the procedure. God was strengthening me all this time. My vision was somewhat blurry but I was fine.

I am thankful for all my family and friends and even the people I never met for praying for me.

I believe it is His will for all to be healed.

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