Brain MRI 7/2012

I had another MRI on my brain.

I was confident in God and also in physical condition. I have aches and pains but I felt my immune system was doing good, but a few days before the MRI I was in a spiritual battle. Negative thoughts came in and tried to bring the very negative imagination - like I was going to start deteriorating..  Then I realized God hasn't changed his mind. Jesus died for me once, and that was enough!! I concentrated my mind on God, trying to just focus on His goodness. He is the only one who can heal me. I listened to encouraging CD's like Graham Cooke's. They helped me tremendously. He assures us that God is on our side. When we are with him, we are battling from the winning side. I shouted in my mind, "Jesus!" many times...

The result was good!! My brain is good.

Praise and glory to God!! Thank you, Jesus.

My mission

18 and the LORD sent you on a mission, and said, 'Go and utterly destroy the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are exterminated.' 19 "Why then did you not obey the voice of the LORD, but rushed upon the spoil and did what was evil in the sight of the LORD ?"  - I Samuel 15:17-19

I have been in this waiting mode for awhile after chemo is done, and sometimes my mind tries to imagine something negative. I have been learning to fight and to stay under God's favor but one day I almost accepted that I will start deteriorating, then the LORD spoke to me through these verses as if to say, "I told you I will heal you completely but why are you now turning away from it?" That is right!! I received so many promises and why then do I doubt him now? I repented. God is always ready to reach out to me.

my heart is fixed (Psalm 112:7)

Psalm 112:7

King James Version (KJV)

 ⁷He shall not be afraid of evil tidings: his heart is fixed, trusting in the LORD.

This was in the devotional. What a good timing! As I was meditation on the words, then I realized I had to overcome my bad expectations in my heart. I say I believe then why do I worry about the bad news? The medical world clearly doesn't have an answer for me according to the doctors. And they are specialists and they are truly brilliant people. I had to fix my heart to trust the LORD. I almost did not want to have the scan done any more. I remembered reading Dodie Osteen did not go back for a check up while she was recovering.

The scan result
The result of the scan showed some illumination in my bone, though better. The tumor in the lung is still there. The doctor says "Let's keep doing the same treatment (maintenance med, not chemo)." We will keep doing the same thing. My hope is to quit the strong meds. I was somewhat disappointed at the appointment, to be honest, but when I came home and started reading the scan report word by word, I was more encouraged. The bone lesions are responding to the treatment from January, and the tumor in the lung is the same, stable. My PA friend explained to me that it must be covered by scar tissues because the doctor who read the scan did not call it "tumor." He called it "fibrosis" and "scarring tissue."

In the meantime I will keep moving with the LORD, clinging to Him. It is the fact that He is taking care of me. Everyday is a miracle day. Even at work I do my best to live and know that the LORD is God. I am not a preacher or teacher or ministry coordinator or anything like that, but the best I can do right now is to know that the LORD is God.

My Redeemer (Isaiah 41)

Isaiah 41:11-14

Amplified Bible (AMP)

¹¹Behold, all they who are enraged and inflamed against you shall be put to shame and confounded; they who strive against you shall be as nothing and shall perish.    ¹²You shall seek those who contend with you but shall not find them; they who war against you shall be as nothing, as nothing at all.

    ¹³For I the Lord your God hold your right hand; I am the Lord, Who says to you, Fear not; I will help you!

    ¹⁴Fear not, you worm Jacob, you men of Israel! I will help you, says the Lord; your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.

I feel like God is saying something to me that those who are against me will be put to shame and become as nothing and perish.  I looked for them (via scan) but I will not find them because God made them as nothing, nothing AT ALL.

It is such a perfect chapter for me at this time. I smiled a big smile. I said, "Really?" to God. I don't have the result of the scan yet. Yesterday I felt down a little, started to think about and prepare for a not-so-good report, then I went to the word again (like I did again and again), then the life of God started to bubble up inside of me. There is no reason to stop rejoicing now.

My Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel! My father is God. (I am bragging!) Thank you, Father for giving me life.

to stand firm (Ephesians)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%206%20:10-18&version=NLT

Ephesians 6:10-18

New Living Translation (NLT)

The Whole Armor of God

¹⁰ A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. ¹² For we^[a] are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

¹³ Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. ¹⁴ Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. ¹⁵ For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.^{[b] 16} In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.^{[c] 17} Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

¹⁸ Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.^[d]

God's whisper at work
 
At work I started to hear "...having done all, stand firm."  I never felt these verses from Ephesians so closely in my past. Today, I read them with reverence. I am in a battle. So is everyone else.  I am not the only one. God is encouraging me to stand firm. My appointment for the next scan is approaching.


God's humor at work

The other day my computer at work froze for a little while. I needed to keep printing many forms that came on line, but it got stuck and I could not print this person's form. I hit "enter" several times. Then the next screen popped up. Because I hit enter many times, there are several duplicates. I kept deleting many pages and I saw the same name over and over.....and I smiled.  The person's name was "Miracle."

worship night tonight

I went to a worship night at my church. My daughter and her roommate went, too. The most beautiful thing I saw/heard tonight was the two college girls (one of them is mine) worshiping Jesus, singing like, " I am made to worship you..." Ooo, may God bless the next generation!!

Healing was mentioned in songs many times. Jesus' power includes healing.

God says not to look around for help - Isaiah 41

I was reading some healing verses and a well-known verse from Isaiah caught my attention.

Do not fear, I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God....

Then I went to my Hebrew dictionary.

• with you = The prime root word has meanings like "overshadowing by huddling together." This word (#5973) has meaning like against, before, beside, among, between, in...
• be dismayed= gaze at (for help), inspect, consider, bewildered, depart, look (away), etc...
•  strengthen = to be alert, on foot
• yea = more over, furthermore, yet, even
• help = surround, protect, aid, succor
• uphold = sustain, maintain, retain

Then my conversation with God went like this:

"Do not be afraid! I am all over you." (After reading the description in the dictionary, I understood the word as this. My heart jumps with joy.)
"Do not look around for help because I am your God. I will let you stand on your own your feet and strengthen them." (Then I remember there were no feeble men in the tribe as the Israelite were leaving Egypt.)

"More over (or better yet), I will surround you, protect, and aid you."

"That is not all I will do. More over , I will maintain you with my strong right hand." (He will "maintain" me! Ooo I want to be off the maintenance medications! Okay, let's keep reading.)

I haven't look up the rest of the scriptures yet, but it is lovely. Especially the next sentence. I am in awe.

"You will seek them but will not find them."

I am keeping these words in my heart. Lord, I thank you.

Wait for the LORD to act...

How long is the battle going to last? When I was stressed from work, I feel as if something or somebody is trying to make me quit working! But when I realize that it is not God at all, then I recover and the condition of the heart changes. When the condition of the heart changes, things change. I recognize the power of believing God in my heart. God drives out the darkness. Then I saw in the Bible where it said to wait for the LORD to act, and I felt like the LORD is telling me that the day the LORD will act is coming towards me! Is it coming soon? In the meantime, I keep speaking to the mountain!!!

highest regards on God's words

What am I doing?!
I confess that I never felt I had enough courage to join a support group for cancer survivors. I may sound selfish, or someone may even say I am in denial, but I wanted to keep my eyes on the LORD and didn't want anything/anybody that comes between me and God.  Lately I started doing some research. It is good to be educated, but I was doing it instead of reading and searching the scriptures. Then I started to feel down...

The scriptures, messages, and teachings for healing tell me to put highest regards on God's words. My heart agrees. Why am I looking for an answer somewhere else then? I repented. Chemo, radiation, juicing, herbs, natural treatment, and other approach are good because we take care of our bodies, which is the temple of God. But without the word of God, they are in vain.

radiation and trip to japan

Both my parents' birthdays are in February. This year they turned 88 and 77 years old.  For quite a while I couldn't decide when in the winter time I should go to visit them.  In my prayer one day I felt good about going in February so I picked the dates, and then I found out that I needed to have radiation on my bones. I thought about bad scenario but decided to go on after I talked to my husband. I ordered the ticket, then I asked the radiation oncologist to schedule me before the departure date. (selfish?)
They scheduled me to have a radiation session everyday for 2 weeks. It ended right before my trip. The treatment took only about 10 minutes everyday. The very first day on the table in the radiation room, a strange thing happened within me. I was suddenly overwhelmed by the Lord's goodness right before the radiation was going to hit me, and I was crying. Everybody there thought I was sad. When you think about my situation, that is understandable. One therapist was in tears for me, too. But I wasn't sad. My strength and joy have always come from the Lord. His presence was there, and I was overwhelmed by the goodness of the Lord. I keep trusting His healing power. Gospel and healing come together. It is in the Bible.


My family was happy to see me. I gave testimony of God's goodness at my small church. I spent most of my time at home. I enjoyed walking in the cold, snowy weather as the snow was hitting my face from under the umbrella. One of my happy moment was to see my mother believing Jesus more.

Life is precious and I thank Jesus for giving it to me.