Friday, December 24, 2010

God is the one we should fear.

After chemo is over (because that was all the doctor could do) and now I am moving on to the maintenance treatment, I was feeling alone and a little worried about my body. When I worry, I know that is when I am not reading enough words. While I was receiving a treatment (not chemo) at the doctor's office last week, I read these words in the Bible.
"The Lord has given me a strong warning not to think like everyone else does. He said, “Don’t call everything a conspiracy, like they do, and don’t live in dread of what frightens them. Make the Lord of Heaven’s Armies holy in your life. He is the one you should fear. He is the one who should make you tremble. He will keep you safe." (Isaiah 8:11-14a, NLT) 
 !!!
It is a strong warning. I told myself to be strong because the only one to fear is the LORD of hosts.
Our God is a wonderful Counselor, a mighty King!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

A song from Yentl

Papa...

By accident I fell in love with this movie. Even when Yentl married to another lady, I thought it was brilliant that the "husband" Yentl drew the best out of the bride as she taught her to be free.  I love the ending of the movie, too. Why settle for one piece of sky from the window when the whole sky is out there? The song echoes in my heart.

The sickness caused me to look at the life differently even though I still don't think God gave me the sickness. My journey continue to be more free.

"Papa, watch me fly!!!"

Friday, December 17, 2010

Christmas present from God

The full chemo therapy started after CyberKnife in September 2010. I did chemo twice, then another CT scan. The scan showed that the tumor shrunk some.

Two more chemo, then another CT scan and a PET scan.

Mark 16:17-19 (King James Version)

 17And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
 18They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
 19So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God.

There is a confirmation to it which I didn't notice until recently. These words are for those who are going out to preach the good news, but it certainly encouraged an ordinary person like me and it fit my journey of receiving healing.
 20And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following.
This "confirming" part came to me today.

The PET showed that the liver, lymph and the bones are clear, and the tumor is now 1 inch diameter! Here is what the report says.

"There has been significant interval decrease in size..."

"Evidence of mediastinal lymphadenopathy and metastatic disease to the liver has shown complete resolution."


!!!!!!!!

Thank you, Papa!!



I have been taking my case to the LORD.
So many people are praying for me and my family. I am in awe. They really pray for me and I am humbled.
As I seek healing and choose to live, I came across these words from one of the books my husband and I are reading.

The heart of the gospel is not healing. The heart of the gospel is not signs and wonders. The heart of the gospel is not even the anointing of the Holy Spirit. The heart of the gospel is Jesus Christ. It is only as we clearly proclaim Christ first and foremost that we will experience signs and wonders following.                      ~ Mahesh Chavda
Amen!

There is great power in the simple message of "Jesus Christ and Him crucified."
                                                                     ~Mahesh Chavda

Amen!

Jesus is my Lord and Savior. He gives me life, and He makes me whole.

Monday, December 13, 2010

"It is in the blood!" ( revised )

...is what my friend said when she read what I wrote on my facebook. I wrote that my blood count was very good even after the chemo therapies.

I just finished my last chemo at the beginning of this month, and went back to the oncologist's office for the routine blood check a week later. The blood test results looked as if my body was going back to normal. It just must be!  I thought I was wrong, but I was correct when I said that the blood test result which was done one week after the last chemo was one of the best ones!  Is it because medicine is getting more sophisticated like some people told me? Or is it a miracle? It IS God! Even the radiologist told me a few weeks ago that I was doing much better than the average patients. Praises are due to God. I say "Hallelu-jah!"  I have to admit my mouth tasted funny for one week or so, and I had to keep resisting the little voice saying to me that I am not getting any better and I maybe getting worse, but I have learned that I can resist the thoughts that are not aligned with the word of God. Those thoughts feel as if they are the truth and real, but they are to be resisted.

Before the last chemo, I remembered to pray for myself, using the scripture from Mark, the one that starts with "these signs shall follow those who believe..." Whenever I was about to go in for a chemo, either in the tape of healing message I am listening to or in the book of healing I was reading contained this scripture and it reminded me to pray that prayer. Then I would lay my hand on myself and pray, believing that God is protecting me from any harm from chemo.  From the beginning of the chemo therapies, somehow this scripture came to me, but this time it seemed like it didn't. Then I said to God, "You did not send this scripture this time." And I felt like God said, "Because you already got it."



About laying hands on myself

One of my long-time favorite quote from F.B Meyers' Bible commentary is this:
(Genesis where Joseph was sold into Egypt).

"... but God knows that you are there and times the moments. Only continue to trust and do not be afraid! Blessed are they that believe; to them there shall be precise provision. Months ago a caravan started, which will arrive at the precise hour when intervention will best serve you."

I posted this on my facebook and God's divine timing came.
When I found out there was a big mass in my lung Pastor Che Ahn came to The River in Fresno. My son wanted to take me, and he took me there. I had been to this church when it was under a different name and a different pastor many years ago, and I met Pastor Che there. Then I wondered around to many different places because of many reasons for many years and I tried to fit in, but I never did. Coming back to this place that night was as if I came to a full circle and now back to where I was, except that this time I knew I wanted to be free and be where my relationship with God is strengthened. A part of me was saying that since my life may not be long, I might as well go where the spirit leads me. The truth is, I should live like that (not to be selfish but to be free in Christ) to begin with. I was excited when Pastor Che said that he was not planning to come to Fresno. The reason he was here was because his international trip got canceled, and he had time to come. Divine timing!
His message that I heard (other people might have heard it differently) was that we should be able to pray on our own and not to wait for a great evangelist to come into town. At first I was disappointed but soon I understood and I agreed. ( Yet even after that service I asked him to pray for me. And he did. ) His message taught me to be strong and believe that I have the power and authority to pray for the sick, including myself. I learned to lay hands on me on that night. He had everyone put their hands on themselves.

Thank you, Papa.

Friday, December 10, 2010

these signs shall follow...

Mark 16:17-20 (King James Version)


 17And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
 18They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
 19So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God.
 20And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following. Amen.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Praying for healing - spoken words

My prayer has changed last couple of weeks. The pastor at church said to take a risk and confess whatever you believe. I wanted to try to take a risk!  I ran to the pastor after the service and confessed to him that I was healed. The whole week I was filled with joy and the song flowed out of me.

Dr. Cho's book said something about spoken words and healing also. He said that God's spirit was hovering over the surface when God created the heavens and the earth, but nothing was happening until God spoke. The spoken words of God created things!

So I confessed. And I confess again. Some people think I am in denial. So I will be careful not to deny the fact that the tumor is still there. But at the same time I confess that I am healed because of Jesus' cross.

By his stripes I am healed.

I heard that in Hebrew and in Greek they use one word for healing and salvation. If we believe that we are saved by faith, then I don't know why we cannot say we are healed by faith. The Bible says, "Let the weak say I am strong." It doesn't say that the weak person has to wait until he becomes strong. The weak should say in faith that he is strong. I am going through the path of stage IV cancer treatment but let me say I am healed because of Jesus.


Let me keep believing.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Quote from Malachi

“But for you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. 
And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture. 
On the day when I act, you will tread upon the wicked as if they were dust under your feet,” 
says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.    Malachi 4:2-3 (NLT)
 The word "healing" means health, healing, cure, profit, and sound (of mind) according to Blue Letter Bible definition.

Wow. This is what the LORD says! 

"But for you who fear my name.."

I fear (in awe) your name! You are my God who created the heaven and the earth. Thank you, Lord. May ALL who fear His name be delivered into liberty!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Great example

Here is one of the first thing I googled after my doctor told me the prognosis. He basically said there was no cure for me and the treatment was to keep my body alive longer on this earth. I hardly knew the Osteens but suddenly I remembered she was healed of metastatic liver cancer miraculously. I looked for her story because I wanted to know what she did, and I wanted to follow her example.

Dodie Osteen

She showed me how to choose life.

The Word of God is powerful. Knowing His Words and living as I hear from God is how I want to live. Modern medicine and the knowledge the doctors and nurses have are wonderful and I respect them but all the glory belong to God. Doctors treat but Jesus heals. Now is my chance to live closer with God, trusting, believing that His will is to heal. Because it is His will to heal us all. We all die but we don't have to die with sicknesses and diseases. No. We leave this world when our Father calls us home.

One of the scriptures that has come to me often is from Mark.

"And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."  Mark 16:17-18

My Dream
 
Right before my first chemotherapy I didn't really want to go for it, then I had a dream. In my dream I was walking through a dark, poor neighborhood. I could see inside of some of the homes (it was more like rooms). As I looked into one of them, people wrapped in gray cloths were reclining in mattresses. Then I said to myself, "It is a death room!" and I ran. I was afraid to get the chemotherapy because I knew it would kill not just the cancer cells, but also my healthy ones... The room I was about to enter for the first chemotherapy reminded me of the room I saw in my dream. But God reminded me of the scripture many times before I went in. I threw my arms into the air and prayed to God and then I said the scripture, believing that the poison (chemo) would not harm me, then I placed my right hand on myself and said the last part of the scripture. I once had my non-charismatic friend lay her hand on me as I said this scripture right before my MRI, too. We were praying in a little locker room where I changed my clothes and other people could have heard us but we just prayed with tears in our eyes. I am so thankful I am a family member of God.

I am doing better and better after chemotherapy started. The "poison" is working to attack the cancer but not harming my body. I believe the scripture is active. Praise our Father!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Happy encounters

Many divine encounters have been happening. They are stirring up my spirit to cause me to have desire to know God more. God is calling me to spend more time reading His word and listen to Him and just hang around with him more, I believe, because I was feeling down last week. I was not happy because when I had a chance to give a testimony unexpectedly, I felt like I was not giving glory to God. Does my heart really depend on God or chemotherapy and other vitamins? Cancer shrunk but why not total healing? Is it because I don't know God's word enough yet? I want to know God's way more!!

Those happy encounters were divine ones to stir up my spirit.
Yesterday I saw one of my friends' husband at a parking lot and he prayed for me.
 Last night at my friend's farewell dinner, one friend was simply sharing how she has been reading one chapter a day since the spring time and I commended her for that. It stirred up my spirit again to read the Bible and keep on reading. Today someone who wrote me an encouraging letter after he heard about me came by to drop off some CD's of healing teaching. We had never met before. He was a delight and the CD's are amazing. Godly people are around!!

Dodie Osteen said to read the Bible diligently in her testimony. She was healed of her cancer 28 years ago after she was told she had two weeks to live.

No time to waste!
I will stand firmly on the word of God!
Father, I will meet you in my closet now.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

In His Presence

Last Sunday I met someone who has been healed from his stage 3 esophagus cancer. He prayed for me. He said that he did not know how to pray in a fancy way but he just prays for people. How wonderful! He said he never doubted that Jesus would heal him. Hmmm.... have I doubted? I have to say that I wondered if He would do that for me even though I believe firmly that Jesus can heal people miraculously. But I will keep believing and will not doubt.

He also said that he stays in the presence of the LORD. I need to be reminded of that. It is amazing that even when I am diagnosed with a devastating disease, I need to be reminded of that! But I took it as reality. I need to realize that spending time and tarrying with Jesus is not  just a relaxing time. It is the most important time. So I am tarrying more.

A lady at church told me several weeks ago that I should not wait until I am healed before I start praying for other people. I have been looking for an opportunity to come. Then last Thursday on my way home from another chemotherapy I saw a lady in a wheelchair with a cap on. She had lost her hair. Her husband was pushing her wheelchair. I had no time to hesitate because my heart went out to this young lady and I had compassion for her. I wanted her to know Jesus wanted to heal her. I am usually a shy person, but I introduced myself to her at the parking lot and gave her a copy of the list of healing scriptures I got form the Bethel church in Redding. I prayed one sentence in Jesus' name and left. (They were kind of in a hurry to get to the pharmacy before it closed.)

Jesus, we need you!

Praise God. Thank you God. I continue to do well through chemotherapy. Jesus is the center of the gospel. When I seek the kingdom of God first, other things will be also given to me and all who believe.


"And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."  Mark 16:17-18